The Story of Albert - a 1980 live story

So he went home that night very disappointed, very dejected, and sat down and turned on the television. Suddenly his life changed, because Albert was in love again. Albert fell in love unfortunately with the television set. Bit of a strange one was Albert. And it was a bit of a one-sided affair. And within two or three days Albert had to go in to hospital to have the glass removed from his private parts.

So, he went on a convalescing holiday, abroad, where tragedy struck again! Because within two or three days Albert was back in love, this time with his walking stick. Bit of a wierdo, bit of a wierdo. And I think you guessed it, in two or three days he was back in hospital having the walking stick removed from his private parts.

Well, Albert decided to give up this holiday as a bad job. And he came back to England where he entered a home for unsuccessful young lovers. It's a shame, isn't it? This was called Duke's End. But every cloud has a silver lining, and every silver lining has a cloud, and every bin has a liner. And it was in this bin that Albert wrote some of his easily forgettable books. He reckoned himself a literary genius.

But unfortunately he was a bit late on the boat because he wrote books like "Albert Through the Looking Glass," "Albert in Wonderland," ("Albatross", shouts someone from the audience), "Albatross" (big laughter and cheers from the audience). Then there was "Albert Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," "Albert the Space Odyssey," that was a big one. And a big hit for him came, a big sexual novel he wrote called, "Danish Albert on the John ."

Very big one for Albert and leads us very nicely and smoothly to our next piece of music, which doesn't got much to do with Albert at all. It is in fact some music from our album called 'Duke'. And, we have put some songs together from our album called 'Duke', which we have called for the purposes of tonight's concert - Music From Our Album Called Duke." [ ... music begins ... ]